Memories, Wishes & Life Savers

There are moments in life that make you stop and pause…moments when you reflect and moments when you ask yourself do I have any regrets and unfulfilled wishes. I am experiencing one of those times as I watch my Dad’s health & memory fade away.

There is a lot I know about my Dad, he loved sports, especially football! He was a natural athlete and excelled at any sport he played. During church I loved to sit by him and try his enormous gold ring on my tiny little finger as I watched in awe as he drew circles and Xs, connected by arrows. He was a devoted coach who had a passion to teach kids to play the game he loved.  He always carried in his pocket a small smooth piece of chalk, a rubber band, paper clip & a roll of Life Savers! As a teacher he reached out to those who struggled. He played one mean game of Chinese Checkers and he was happiest when he was fishing, camping, or backpacking.

I wish I could have seen him play football! I wish I could have seen him shine!

I came into my Dad’s life after his time of worldly fame had passed. I came into his life when he was at a cross roads, a new chapter, a new mountain to climb; he was faced with a new opponent. I was part of his life when he was playing the toughest home game of his life…Frank Andruski vs Satan! I saw Satan score more touchdowns and I saw my father become more and more beaten down. He tried to come back strong after halftime but his strength was spent; he fought a good fight!

I wish I knew the man that so many former players looked up to. I wish I knew the man that so many fellow coaches admired.

I will always hold tenderly the memory of the man who saw that I was on time to early morning seminary. I will hold tenderly the memory of the man who dropped me off to church on Sunday when mom was working. I will hold tenderly the memory of the man who stopped by my room at night and asked, “Did you say your prayers?”, while I pretended to be already asleep. I will hold tenderly the lessons burnt deep into my heart from seeing him struggle of agency, forgiveness & compassion.

I wish I could take one last hike with my Dad. I wish I could play one last game of Chinese Checkers (maybe now I could finally win). I wish I could put his giant ring on my finger one last time as I inspect his big chubby fingers. I wish he would give me one last lint covered Life Saver from his pocket! 

He always told me you really just need to watch the last 5 minutes of any game... and these last 5 minutes are a doozy! Before long the final buzzer will sound and his game of mortality will be over. Thankfully I am not the referee and do not need to declare the winner, but I am thankful that he will be free. Free of a mind that is clouded by age, free of a body that is tired and worn out, free of so many earthly struggles.