Joy...

This adorable face popped up on my computer desk top background today. When I saw it my first thought was, She was so cute! Next came, that little girl is going to be 16 is just over a week. I didn't know if her or I would live to see this day. And what a fabulous, amazing, wonderful & fun teenager she is!

From the time Miss Elizabeth was born until she was around 9 or 10 I seriously wondered if her & I would both live to see her be a teenager. She tried every ounce of patience that I had when she was little. I poured all my energy into being her mom. I poured all my energy into attempting to teach her about choices and the importance of making "good choices". Most days I felt like a drill sergeant barking orders and being tough with rules & consequences. I remember one day in Kindergarten or first grade picking her up from school only to listen to little miss snotty pants in the back seat...we were almost home (which was a good 10 minutes drive) and I turned the van around and drove back to school so that she could go find the "nice Elizabeth" that she left at school and please bring the "nice  Elizabeth" home. Most days I wondered & worried about what kind of teenager this girl would be? I  knew she needed to learn to channel this energy, determination & down right stubbornness in the right direction or we would be into some serious trouble.

I remember rocking two crying girls (Elizabeth 3ish and Rachel probably 1ish) and thinking, they say there is joy in motherhood...I don't feel any joy in this journey of motherhood. It was just a lot of hard work, sleepless nights, unending demands on my time, brain, emotions, etc. Negotiating with toddlers & preschoolers was, and still isn't my forte. Most days I just did my best not to end up on the evening news...Where is the joy in this thing they call motherhood, I would wonder. I don't know if it was the whisperings of the spirit or my patient kind husband but I remember being told, "one day my children would be a joy."

As I saw this picture this morning, I had a moment of awakening... I felt joy! Joy is the young woman Elizabeth has become and continues to become. Joy in the choices she is making. Joy in seeing her reach her potential. Joy in seeing her strength, courage & determination. Joy in seeing her discover her talents. Joy in realizing that so far, she turned out all right after all; despite my many mistakes & frustrations, feelings of discouragement & seemingly endless tears.

Elizabeth is going to be 16 in just over a week and when I look back, I am a bit in shock that we survived, but I am ever so thankful that we did! That I did not give up, despite having given Paul my "two weeks notice" endless times. And seeing how wonderful Miss Elizabeth has turned out, gives me hope for the three youngest in the bunch...time will still tell with those three... but I now feel encouraged  and the assurance that I can make it...and they too can make it...and that one day the promised joy will come!